Even more fun then when you were a kid!!!

Growing up Christmas was and is my favorite time of the year. And yes a huge part of that was because of the gifts. Not gonna lie...but then who doesn't love to get gifts? I am still one of those people that on Christmas Eve you are up ALL night just waiting until morning, thinking the big day would NEVER get here. And of course it did, and we all got up very early in the morning (the only day out of the year mind you that i will get up because I want to). We would all sit in the living room waiting for mom and dad to finish doing whatever it is that they were doing to come out and let us open up the gifts. Before we were even allowed to do that, dad would make us sit while he read the Christmas story out of the book of Luke. Then when he was done, he would tease us kids saying, "We are going to go eat breakfast before we open them up." Which of course there was then a chours of "NO!!!!!"
As we got older, most of by brothers liked to sleep in a little bit more on Christmas, but I always had my little sisters to help me wake everyone up. Now I look forward to Dad reading the Christmas story, but still wont wait till after breakfast to open the gifts.
But now being an adult, and a parent, Christmas has a whole new meaning. We do not have a ton of money so we do not do a whole lot of gifts, which to my shocker has been actually more meaningful. When I think of what Joseph and Mary had to go through, I am pretty sure that I would not be able to do it. Have a child knowing that He would suffer and save the world. No offense to the world, but I adore my little daughter, and sorry about you, I would not be able to handle that. There is a song by Mercy Me, about what Joseph must have been thinking. Being a parent, really opened my eyes to a lot of things, and what the true meaning of Christmas really is. Christmas is still my all time favorite part of the year, but now for a whole different reason. And it is fun to share it now with my child and wife, along with parents and siblings. Amazing how your eyes get opened when you become a parent.

~Learning As I Go~
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Merry Christmas...not happy holidays

I know I talk about this every year, and yes I know not everyone celebrates Christmas. That is fine, celebrate it how you want. But not happy holidays. Merry Christmas.
(Let's start a new movement) P


*Twas the month before Christmas*
*When all through our land,* *Not a Christian was praying* *Nor taking a stand.*
*See the PC Police had taken away,* *The reason for Christmas - no one could say.* *The children were told by their schools not to sing,* *About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*
*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say* * December 25th is just a " Holiday".* *Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit* *Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod* *Something was changing, something quite odd! * *Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa* *In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down* * At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.* *At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears* *You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.* *Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty* *Are words that were used to intimidate me.* *Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen* *On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter* *To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.* *And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*; * Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*

*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded* *The reason for the season, stopped before it started.* *So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"* *Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,
not Happy Holiday!*

~Learning as I go~
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So very excited....

Ok most of you who know me know that I am a HUGE Narnia fan. Well the second movie Prince Caspian, which will be here in May (woot woot) has a trailer now. YOu can go to Narniaweb.com and see it. It looks amazing. Now I need to re-read the books again. Anyway, check it out, looks SO good. Anyway was very excited and thought you should all know. I know Jake, you will be pumped about this.
~Learning as I Go~
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For Parents Only....review

Hello all, here is another book review. This one is the one they sent me, and I am going to be writing one of my own soon. I just wanted to get something on here so people can read it. It really is a GREAT book. Look for my personal review later this week. Also, I am going to start a seperate blog for just book reviews now that people are asking me to write them. ANyway, i will have a new review with the book cover and all that soon. Thanks and talk to you all VERY soon.

Shaunti Feldhahn is known for unlocking the mysteries of relationships for men and women. Now she turns to a parent’s relationship with a child, particularly a child of the opposite sex. Drawing on the results of a nationwide survey of kids and teenagers, she explores questions such as:

What do moms need to understand about the “tough and tender” boy who values respect over love?

What do dads need to understand about their daughter’s need for affirmation?

What are the six biggest pet peeves teens have about their parents?

Understanding the answers to these and other important questions can help parents make the holidays a time of celebration and unity, not strife and friction.

For Parents Only offers a unique look into a child’s mind and frees readers to communicate in healthier ways as they discover that understanding their kids may not be as complicated as they think.




Author Bio:
Shaunti Feldhahn is the author of For Women Only and numerous other books, with sales totaling nearly one million copies. A nationally syndicated newspaper columnist and public speaker, Feldhahn earned her master’s degree at Harvard University . She and her husband, Jeff, have two young children. Lisa A. Rice is the associate editor of Christian Living magazine, the mother of two teenage girls, and a screenwriter and producer.

Update...short but update just the same

So I am finally working a full time job waiting to be able to go to Fed Ex full time. It is a customer service job, not at all a dream job but a job right. Crystal is doing really well. She is watching a friend of ours baby that is only a month older then Miss Ella. HE is really cute and fun. It is like having twins so poor Crystal is going crazy some days. Miss Ella is doing fantastic. She is getting so big so fast. She is a joy that is for sure. Other then that, life is still life. But Christmas is coming and that is a great thing. Even if you are poor...still a great holiday.
~Learning As I Go~
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Mosaic Amy Grant..Pieces of My Life So Far....review

Ok now remember everyone, I have never written a book review, and there is MUCH more about this book that I would love to talk about. So just go pick it up. It really is one of the books I have read this year. And not just because it was written by Amy Grant.

With a career of 30 years, the joys and trials of life, and just living in the spot light will give anyone millions of stories to learn and grow from. And maybe even some to try and forget. This book is a book of memories, some great some not so great, all learning experiences for anyone who reads it.
When I first heard of this book being written I thought, as Amy even mentions in her book, "Oh no, she is going to write a book, she is not a author...she is a song writer/singer. But of course I was going to pick it up and read it, I have been loving her music sense I was in the fifth grade, and now here it is about 14 years later and still really enjoy her music, old and new. Needless to say I was not at all disappointed in her book.

It is funny how we don't stop to think and realize that famous people are just normal everyday people like us. Only their lives are lived in the spot light. While I was reading this book, several times I had to stop and think, wow she really is human, she really does struggle and have hard times like the rest of us. The way she writes makes you feel like you have been family friends for years. Most of the stories if you have been a Amy fan long you will have heard before but it was different reading them. They way she wrote, was like she was talking to you and you only. Being open and honest about her past, present and future. If anyone ever borrows my book they are going to see notes, and a bunch of sentences underlined. I have already gone back and re-read several parts of it. It is just a feel good read. And it amazed me how much some parts of her life reminded me of mine. One of my favorite parts of the book, were when she said, "Sometimes I crave a kind of connection with nature, with myself, with God that I don't know how to achieve. The absence of it makes me feel caged up inside. I cant sit still. I cant listen well. " (pg 111) I feel like this almost everyday.
My wife made fun of me a few times when I was reading it because after almost every chapter, or even page I had to tell her about it. A few times I thought, I need to give Amy a call and see how she is doing. Then I remembered that I don't really personally know her, but her writing made it feel like we have had several conversations over a nice Starbucks. Her love for life, and her faith in her God, is what this book is all about. A great feel good read for anyone who picks it up. Even if you are not a huge Amy Grant fan, or a fan at all, it is a book that everyone can relate to. At least parts of it. And to me one of the coolest things about it was how real she was with her faith in Christ. She was open and very honest. And who knows, maybe someone who is not a Christian, but has heard her music, will find the book and read it. They will know all about God and how He has been a HUGE part in her life. It is not at all hidden in this book. Maybe someone will even say a prayer for the first time. Who knows.
You can pick it up at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/140007360X

~Learning As I Go~
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Mosaic

So there will be a book review on Amy Grants book soon. I have to have it done by the 19th, but with work and all that I have not been able to write it. I can say this, it was one awesome read. I will get more soon. But they do however want me to have something for now, so here is one they wrote, but mine is on the way soon.
Grammy Award–winning artist Amy Grant has lived in the spotlight since bursting onto the Christian music scene as a teenager thirty years ago. In that time her work, marriage, and spiritual life have been subject to varying degrees of adulation and criticism.
Now, in her first autobiographical book, Grant bares her heart and soul, giving readers an intimate glimpse into her everyday life and the lessons she’s learning along the way. From lighthearted reminiscences of her Tennessee childhood to painfully honest reflections on the journey of faith, her vivid writing draws readers into her world while simultaneously creating space for them to rethink their own perspectives on life.
With honesty and depth, Grant offers poignant and often startling insights on motherhood, marriage, friendship, faith, loss, forgiveness, and redemption. Never-before-shared stories about her husband, country music star Vince Gill, provide a look into her life as a celebrity, while intimate portraits of her mother and musings on the past reveal the various pieces of a life blessed with jagged edges as well as vivid colors. Readers will find their preconceived notions of this music icon stripped away as they settle in for a warmly satisfying conversation with a gracious and wise friend.

Amy Grant is the best-selling Christian music artist of all time and the first to garner the number one spot on Billboard’s chart. Since beginning her career at age 17, she has earned six Grammy Awards and twenty-five Dove Awards, and last year she received her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Grant’s numerous television appearances include Oprah; Good Morning, America ; and Late Night with David Letterman. In 2007 she’ll tour nationwide, performing with local symphonies in Atlanta , Minneapolis , Kansas City, and elsewhere.
~Learning As I Go~
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Are you kidding me????

I wish I knew how some peoples minds worked. I heard different stories just recently and thought I would get on line and read the news about what all happened. Ok first off, in Cinn Ohio, an assistant principal left her 2 yeard old daughter in her car for the school day and it was about 109 degrees outside. So her poor little daughter died from the heat. What happened you ask? Well she was going to drop her daughter off at daycare on her way to school but stopped to by donuts and forgot to take her to daycare. She went into the school, and later came out to get the donuts and still did nothing with her daughter. And she is not getting charged for anything because she claims it was an accident. Even though she went back out to get the donuts, and they have that on security. But here is where I get REALLY mad. In Arizona, a cop leaves his police dog in his car for 12 hours and it kills the dog. He is put in jail for a short time and is going to trial on September 25. So please tell me how this makes any sense? Dog......baby girl.....is there really a comparison?
That poor poor little girl. I cant imagine.
~Learning as I go~
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The Things you Learn from Peanuts!

I am reading "The Complete Peanuts" a publisher is taking all of the comic strips ever published of the Charlie Brown and Snoopy gang and putting them into books. So far I have the first six. Anyway, one that I came across today really got my attention. First of all you have to know that every single strip gets my attention either makes me think about life or just cracks me up. Charles Schultz was a GENIUS. Anyway today this is the one I read and thought how great life is for a little kid.
This strip takes place like many where Charlie Brown and Linus are standing by a wall just talking about life:
Charlie- Do you ever think much about the future Linus?
Linus- Oh, Yes, all the time
Charlie- What do you think you'd like to be when you grow up?
Linus- Outrageously happy!!

I thought that was a very good comic strip. Growing up I wanted to be something different every day....either a cowboy, fireman, and at one point a park ranger. Of course I am none of those things now, but I think I have made it so far in this life. I am outrageously happy. True not everything is going the way I would like it to be, but I am happy. I dont have the dream job but I am happy. I do however have an amazing family, and an extremely fun life. God is good, and I love how He uses the Peanuts comic to remind me of that.
~Learning As I Go~
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New CD and Book

So Amy Grant is coming out with a greatest hits cd next month and also a book that she wrote. I am pretty excited about the cd and the book. She also had all of her OLDER music remastered and rereleased. So you can either get it on ITUNES or the actuall CD. Pretty cool. I just signed up for a blog thing that might get my blog on her site and also a free copy of her book. I am sure that lots of people are going to try to get theirs added but I thought what the heck.
~Learning as I Go~
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Immagration and such

I am working in this warehouse for now until Fed Ex is going to be full time or until I find a better day time job. And for the most part it is a ok job, easy work. I hate getting up at 5 am but there are worse things I guess. Here is my issue with things right now. I have no problem with immagrants. Most of them are a blast at the factory. We have a good time trying to understand what it is we are saying to each other. There is a few however that are just rude and are starting to get under my skin. One of them, moved his family here to get a better life for them, but he tells me that he hates America and all Americans. And let me tell you he really does hate me...not sure why...oh yeah i am American. One day I was gone. The next day a machine breaks down. He tells our boss that it was my fault because I was working on it the day before. But he refers to me as "that boy." Wont ever say my name even though he knows english. So I inform him that I was not even there so it was not my fault. And that my name is Scot and if he wants to address me or even talk about me he will say my name other wise he can just not talk to or about me. Then I find out by our supervisor, that he is not even a legal immagrant. So here is a guy living in the country I love, and he hates it, makes fun of it, and all of us Americans, he is here to better his life but hates it. Hmmm...makes sense to me. Anyway...thats all for now.

~Learning as I go~
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Vet Tech.

Ok well I thought I was goin gto go back to school for El. Ed. Still think that it would be very cool, but the one thing I have always wanted to be was a Vet. So I did some research and talked to a few people and found a school where I could go to and in 18 months be a licensed vet tech. And found out that I can make a good living. And if I do really well hopefully some day i can actually go to vet school and become a vet. This is something I have wanted to do my whole life. So why not. I am working in a warehouse right now and hopefully starting Fed Ex soon. So either way we will be taken care of. I am not going to be working at that warehouse for a long time, just till i can get on at fed ex. Well that is the update for now. OH wait. Wife is doing great, such a great mom to Miss Ella. And Miss Ella, has 2 teeth on the bottom and we think she is starting to get her top. We are thinking she will start to crawl very soon. Wich is SCARY.
~Learning As I Go~
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Indianapolis

Well we moved yet again. We are living in Indianapolis, well Plainfield to be specific. We are staying with Cassie and Levi Yowell untill we can find a place of our own. I am still looking for work, doing temp stuff right now. Oh the fun. I will start to blog again soon. man there is lots to catch up on. I dont even know if people still read this. If so....i will be back soon.
Learning as I Go
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Dont you feel safer now?

Ok funny story. I was in one of my best friends wedding last weekend. We went to High School together in North Dakota. (Congrats Matt)
Anyway, the wedding was in Washington state and they had to fly me out. So for my first fathers day miss Ella gave me this whole really cool shampoo/calone/body wash gift pack. I really need all that. So I decided that sense it was just a weekend trip I could just pack it all in my back packing bag. Didnt need to check anything in.
So I get to that area where you have to put all that stuff in the machine so they can make sure that you dont have any weapons and thought......CRAP my razor is in there. I send it on through anyway and they say they have to search my bags. I figured as much.
SO he is going though all my stuff, no big deal until he gets to the body wash and shaving cream. Takes them out and says he has to either throw them away or i can have them sent home. I look at him like he was crazy. So then I pick up my razor and say I can keep this with five blades but I cant keep shampoo or shaving cream. "Correct" in a very stern voice. Well I was not satisfied with that. So i continue to ask.....
"Sir, how on earth does that make any sense? I can keep a razor that actually would cut or so some damage but I cant keep the stuff to shave with or my shampoo. How does that make ANY sense?" His only response was...."Son, I dont make the rules but I make you obey them."
Ok fair enough.
He did say for 14 dollars I could have it sent home. Well for 14 dollars i can buy several shampoos and shaving cream.
So I felt very safe.....i had no shampoo, but if anyone attacked me, i had my razors to fight back with.
~Learning as I Go~
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Here we go again!!!

Ok as most of you know, this job that I took here in Illinois is NOT working out. Not going to go into great detail about it now, most of you know anyway. So I am on the market again. I have sent my resume to a few places. Even sent a few out to places in Indianapolis. We are torn about all that. I mean the reason we moved here was to be closer to Crystal's family. But there is nothing here that pays well, and I really want to have Crystal be a stay at home mom. That has been her dream her whole life after all. And we really want her to be able to do that. So I guess we are just asking for prayer in all this. I have also decided that I am going to go back to school and get my El Ed degree. Not sure if I am going to do that here in Illinois or go to Indy and do it. Either way I will need a job first before we can get that going. I just hate this feeling. I thought at this point in life we would be done searching for jobs and have a good career going. Oh well maybe I should have just done el ed to begin with.
~Learning As I Go~
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Best way to start the day!

I love being a dad. This morning I woke up at 7 am and kinda had a little panic. Ella normally wakes us up at this time. There was no noise coming from her room. So I rush in there to see and she was out cold still sleeping. But she was not sleeping how we put her down. Normally we set her in her crib the normal way, as you would lie in a bed. But this morning she was lieing at the front of the crip sideways. It was very funny to see. Anyway, I went and told Crystal she can sleep in for a few more minutes because Miss Ella was still sleeping. When I got out of the shower, she was already up and dressed. (I dont know how Crystal gets her ready so fast). And she was all smiles. She was very vocal this morning as well. Squealing and giggeling. And man can she make noise now. I didnt want to go to work I wanted to stay home and play with her. I cant beleive how big she is getting and how fast she is growing up. She is already eating rice for breakfast. Let me tell you....it was a great way to start my day.
~Learning As I Go~
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Pray for a house

We looked at a great house this weekend. They way the people painted and decorated it looked like we already lived in it. It is really old but kept up and has lots of character. The wood work is all original...it is pretty much amazing. I am waiting to hear what the bank has to tell us. Pray it all works out.
~Learning as I Go~
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Again On Grace

I honestly do not think I am ever going to figure out this whole concept on Grace. I really do not understand, and beggining to wonder if I am thinking to hard. Going back to that whole deep blog maybe I am. But God's Grace, it is something that I cant grasp. When they say it is "God's Never Ending Grace" What do they mean by that. Sure yes I know about "GRACE" but if it is how they say it is. WEll then we are all covered by it. So no matter what we do, when does God's Grace run out. I have asked that and people say well it never does. Ok well then wouldnt we ALL get into heaven? Due to His Grace? I dont want a deep long answer. Just seems like it is an excuse to sin to me....dont worry God's grace will cover it. I know that isnt how it is, but then maybe there isnt a clear cut and dry answer. I have been argueing this for about 5 years. No matter how many books I read, I still dont get it. One of these days.....
~Learning as I Go~
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What I learned from American Idol

Ok I know two posts in one day. I really do work, but when my mind is going this fast I cant focus. Anyway, last week, not yesterday but last week on American Idol (shut up Jake I love the show) they had Idol gives back.
Didnt think much of it until I started watching it. Man oh Man. First of all for those of you who watched it, the place in Africa they were at, I was there almost 4 years ago, I painted those doors that light blue and the windows. It was amazing to see it all again but this time on tv. Anyway, they stated to show the people over there. The kids, the ones who had parents that died from AIDS. The little boy who is now the man of the house and only 10 years old. Him crying. The mother whe was dieing from malaria. I am not going to lie to you. Several times during that emotional show I started to cry. How great do we have it. Just before that show I was complaining because we had to move into an apartment. And then they showed what they have to live in over there, and not just in Africa but in the U.S. as well.
Then Carrie Underwood sang "I'll stand by you" Man I tell you what. God opened my eyes to a lot. I remember all the feelings I had when i was in Africa, they all came back. Missions has always been my calling and passion, now I just need to do something about it. I do not feel God calling me over there long term, (I would LOVE it if HE did) but I feel He has other plans for me. I just need to be more open and pray about what it is.
*some things to think and pray on*
-every 3 seconds a child dies from Aids or some other disease
-every 30 seconds a child becomes an orphan
Life does not seem to hard anymore does it. And it just goes to show God is truly in everything, He had American Idol remind me of my passion. Now it is my turn to do something.
~Learning as I Go~
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Thoughts on "Deepness"

Ok so I just discovered a new blog. It is by one of my good friends from Kansas (Shout out to you Jake)
Anyway, he just blogged on being deep. And here I am in my office thinking about all that. I work hard I know. But serisously. He admits to not being deep, but at the same time he is one smart dude. Some of the conversations we would have about spiritual stuff, he knew what he was talking about and was not at all afraid to call people out on things. Which I admire. Anyway, I was thinking about this and reading other people's blogs, and some, not all, but some it seems are trying to hard to be deep. Now I am talking in the spiritual aspect of things. I read a lot of these and only have posted the ones on my page that I really like. Anyway, it seems to me that being "deep" is becoming more of a fad. Lets see who knows more about this or that. Hey...here is what I know. Sit down, it is "deep."
God is God. I am not. He always was and always will be. I dont understand a lot of what He does, but He is God so I will try to trust him. I read C.S. Lewis, because the man can write, and he tells stories. Some of his work, well it is way over my head. I like kids books. I learn more from them then I do all the "Spiritual" hoop law that is a must read in the Christian world.

Now dont all get annoyed, deep is good. Just not for everyone. So Jake, glad you brought that up. I too am not deep, and I am no longer going to sit in front of my computer wishing I had some amazing knowledge to give to all you people. I dont even know who all reads this.
~Learning as I Go~
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What do you mean you dont know me?

My lovely wife and I went to visit Nancy at my old job when I was in college. We were walking across campus and it is a stange feeling. When you go to a school like Olivet, people get to know you and you get to know people. People you live with that start to become family. You get there as strangers but leave as family. It is a great experience that everyone needs to have in their lives. Anyway, we are walking across campus and what use to be every one we all knew was now a bunch of kids who we have never seen before. When we got to Nancy's office, the first thing I said to her was "What happened no one knows me now?" It use to be we would walk across campus and i was late for every class because i would stop and talk to everyone, now it is a bunch of strangers living our old lives. It was really an eye opener. It was strange to see how our lives went on, and Olivet just went on with out us. It is hard to think about that school with out the Cassie, and Levi, Chad...etc.
My wife pointed that out. How you expect things to be the same and not change but when you go back, life continued. With out you. Humbeling to me.
Then it made me realize how much I have even changed. For one I am married now, and I even have a child. Which means that all of my friends have changed as well. I guess I know that, but still think of things being the same. Like next time we all get together, things wont be the same, we are parents now, not students, we are adults and in the real world. Wow I am old. What happened? HAHA.
~Learning As I Go~
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Update on Kraemer life

We just got an apartment and we will be sending out the address soon. We moved in last night after a long deal with land lords and what not. Ella is doing great. She is getting so big, and giggels now. How cool is that. My little baby laughs. Not a whole lot, but still laughs just the same. Crystal is loving being closer to family, as am I. I started working my job this week, and I have to tell you it was a rough start. The home I am working in was VERY UNORGANIZED and nothing was done. I walked into a HUGE mess. But things are starting to pick up and I am starting to really like the residents. I will be able to update this more often i hope.
~Learning as I go~
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Illinois

We made it. We are here in Bourbonnais Illinois. WE are staying with Crystals parents until hopefully tomorrow. We have an apartment but we have to paint first. So just wanted to let you all know that we are here finally. MIss all of our Kansas folks, but ready to start life here.
~Learning as I go~
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Wives and Mothers I have a new found respect

I have no idea how they do it. Crystal is the most amazing person I know. Not only was she sweet enough to marry me, but she is the mother of our beautiful little girl. I don't know how she does it. She is at home full time which is hard in it self. Yet she has time to get packing, feed and take care of Ella, and still dinner is ready when i get home. I have never had to worry about anything. She gets up at night (and i help when she wakes me just so you know) But she does all this stuff and has no help during the day. Taking care of a baby is insanely hard. Especially when you have no family here. So I have to say, I admire her more and more everyday. Us guys could never go through all that. Nine months of being a prego, and then having to pretty much stop your life to take care of a little human. WOW. Thats all i got...WOW.
~Learning as I go~
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One Chapter over a new one starting

The house is starting to look like it is actually taking place. Friends that we have come to love and enjoy are going to have to say good bye. We came here only knowing a few people. We were not even married yet. And now we are packing up and heading to a new chapter in life, and with a new little one. Of course Ella will not remember all the amazing great people we met while living here. She will see the pictures of how little she was, and how so many people have become Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles. It is a bitter sweet feeling. We are leaving a great job and place that we love, but going to a place that we also love and have family. Ella will get to grow up with her cousins, marmi and grandpa. We will get to see old friends and meet some new ones.
Its kind of amazing to me how life just happens. Rather we are ready or not. God has a great way of letting that happen. We are so ready to be moved but also wanting to stay here in Kansas with the people that have become our family. Its one of those things that you would just take your life and everything in it on the move so we can all still be close.
Bittersweet like I said. Exciting and scary all at the same time. Guess we will just have to see where this new chapter takes us. But before I get to far ahead of myself, I need to start packing. Only 4 days and we head out. I need to get going.
~Learning as I go~
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Am I really that selfish?

I was just reading something someone else wrote and it really got me thinking about things. I think it is so selfish how we complain about not having. I will admit...I have LOTS of wants. I want so many different things. I am very blessed to have what I do have, and some times I think we take it all for granted. This is something I am really praying about. I am not saying it is bad to want things. Not at all. We all want things. But dwelling on them is totally different. I want a ipod, I want dogs, I want lots of things. Am I happy with out them. That is the question we need to ask ourselves. Are we satisfied with what God has blessed us with. I have been blessed with lots. I have an amazing wife, healthy baby girl, great family. I can go on and on. I have so much but i feel like maybe I dont give back enough. I struggle with this and have been for a long time now. Then i just read these quotes by Mother Teresa. I wish I had her attitude.
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But
the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you
without leaving happier.

It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may
live as you wish.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her.
It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed.

I want to live like that. Be like that. I can do with out a lot more. But to actually live my life like that is a lot harder then it sounds. I feel like I am a pretty simple person. I need to get over the "I'm poor" attitude and realize how great i have it and how blessed I truly am. Does that mean i no longer want the ipod...ect.? Not at all, i still want it, but i need to learn how to be content, and give more to others, not just money but myself. Something more for me to pray and seek God on.
~Learning as I go~
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Worship...What is it all about really?

The actual definition that I found on worship is this...
worship1 [ˈwəːʃip] verb — past tense, past participle ˈworshipped, (American) ˈworshiped
to pay great honor to
Example: to worship God
That really did not help me out a whole lot. I went to a youth retreat this weekend. And we had a great night, the speaker was amazing. Big Chap....he did a great job.
They did have a band come in to lead worship, and it was very good. I have a hard time sometimes at these events for a few reasons. I remember when I was younger and it was all based on emotion. You know, you have all heard it....kinda like the camp high. As soon as I would go home then eventually life would go back to its normal routine.
As the band was playing I was just sitting in the back watching people. I like to do that. I noticed that many people worship in many different ways. For me the best way to worship is just sit there and soak it all in. Not even singing sometimes, just sit there and pray or just be silent before God. Some people raise their hands, others dance, jump, it does not matter. It is how you offer him praise.
And isnt that what worship really is all about. I get a little frustrated when people say, "I dont go to that church anymore because I dont like the way they worship" or like at this event "I just couldnt get into worship because I was not into this type of music." Worship is not what we can get out of it. It is what we put into it. What we give to God. We worship Him, He does not worship us. We should not be getting anything out of it. We should be putting into it, and when we do that, then we feel the presence of Him. So I think I am going to make up my own definition of what I think worship is.
Worship- Giving to God, seaking his presence. Showing Him Honor.
A little lack I know...but to me it is that simple. What WE give to HIM. Not what HE gives to us.
So rather you worship to headbanging, hymns, praise bands, or just sit and be silent, do it for God, not for your self.

Fatherhood

Ever wonder when you are doing something, "What the Heck am I doing" and decide you are not good enough to finish the job you started? Well i hate not finishing a job but somethings are just to big for you. I am going through that right now. Being a dad is the most amazing thing in the world but at the same time it is insanely scary. I was sitting with her last night at about 3:15 AM and when she wont sleep I just try to stay relaxed. Well I was OVERLY tired so I thought I will just sit here hold her and pray. She was suppose to be going back to sleep but instead she was looking up at me smiling. How can you be annoyed by that. So I was praying and all of a sudden i had these crazy thoughts. They were....Dude what are you doing, you are in charge of this little person for the rest of her life. What if she decides that she is going to be rebellious and not want anything to do with God in high school. What if she gets picked on a lot in school, how will i handle it when or if people are mean to her, what if what if what if. It was like i was being attacked all at once. And she just sat there and smiled at me the whole time. So of course i get to thinking about my parents and Crystal's parents. We both had great parents, and we turned out alright. Yeah I did my share of stupid things, but it is true what they say, You want so much more for your children. I don't want her to go to school and be picked on by kids, i don't want her to be the one picking on kids. I want her to grow up and be a woman of God. Everyone wants the best for their kids. And the more i worried about it the more she just laid in my arms and smiled at me. Then it was like God hit me in the face. Enjoy her, pray for her. Thats all you can do right now. So i did, i just kept praying. Eventually put in a Disney cartoon because she was not going to sleep. When she finally did i just laid on the couch with her on my chest and thought....this is what it is all about. God is so amazing. The whole world could fall apart and it would not matter at this moment, i have the woman of my dreams and a baby girl. I have said it once and i will say it again, God is amazing. I still have those worries. But, all we can do is pray. I have to admit....life never has been so good.