Thursday, March 8, 2007
Ever wonder when you are doing something, "What the Heck am I doing" and decide you are not good enough to finish the job you started? Well i hate not finishing a job but somethings are just to big for you. I am going through that right now. Being a dad is the most amazing thing in the world but at the same time it is insanely scary. I was sitting with her last night at about 3:15 AM and when she wont sleep I just try to stay relaxed. Well I was OVERLY tired so I thought I will just sit here hold her and pray. She was suppose to be going back to sleep but instead she was looking up at me smiling. How can you be annoyed by that. So I was praying and all of a sudden i had these crazy thoughts. They were....Dude what are you doing, you are in charge of this little person for the rest of her life. What if she decides that she is going to be rebellious and not want anything to do with God in high school. What if she gets picked on a lot in school, how will i handle it when or if people are mean to her, what if what if what if. It was like i was being attacked all at once. And she just sat there and smiled at me the whole time. So of course i get to thinking about my parents and Crystal's parents. We both had great parents, and we turned out alright. Yeah I did my share of stupid things, but it is true what they say, You want so much more for your children. I don't want her to go to school and be picked on by kids, i don't want her to be the one picking on kids. I want her to grow up and be a woman of God. Everyone wants the best for their kids. And the more i worried about it the more she just laid in my arms and smiled at me. Then it was like God hit me in the face. Enjoy her, pray for her. Thats all you can do right now. So i did, i just kept praying. Eventually put in a Disney cartoon because she was not going to sleep. When she finally did i just laid on the couch with her on my chest and thought....this is what it is all about. God is so amazing. The whole world could fall apart and it would not matter at this moment, i have the woman of my dreams and a baby girl. I have said it once and i will say it again, God is amazing. I still have those worries. But, all we can do is pray. I have to admit....life never has been so good.