That's with One-T

New Blog

2010-03-26T12:46:00.001-07:00

I have moved....
http://scotkraemer.wordpress.com/

We all get tired.

2010-02-10T11:55:00.001-08:00

Even the strongest minded people have their moments. Thats why there is a God like ours. To often we get the mindset that we can do it all on our own. I cant do anything on my own, I just pretend like I can. I was talking to a friend yesterday, and this person just got a great new job, that she is perfect for. She spent the last 20 some years raising her kids and running a home. And now she decided that it is time for her to get back in the career world. One of her kids is making some of the dumbest decisions. Going against everything she was brought up to believe and everything she was taught. She is older and out of the house so what can a parent do? My friend made the comment with tears in her eyes, (and this is a STRONG woman, doesn't cry very easy)

"I spent the last 20 years raising my kids for what? I could have been pursing my career, but i stayed home for what?"

How do you answer a question like that? Sometimes I think as pastors we don't always have to have the right answers. We just have to be there to listen and let people ask and seek for themselves. She has a few other children at home still, and they are seeing what the oldest sibling is doing in the lives of the family. This lady is a good mom. No, she is a great mom. She did what she knew to do. The rest we have to give to God. Which is SO hard to do with your kids. Mine are only 3, 1 and in the mama's belly, but I know this first hand. It is hard not to want to try to control it all.

I wish people didn't have to feel this helpless. Watching someone you hold very close to you fall away from the family is hard to do. I cant imagine being in her shoes right now. I told her I would be praying for her and her family. Didn't really know what else to say. And I am not going to talk for the sake of talking. To many people do more damage then good when they do that. I heard today something that I really liked. It said, "One job of a pastor is to ASK the questions, not just answer them. That way people think."

I liked that....

~Learning as I Go~

One-T

Baby?? Again??

2010-02-03T21:37:00.000-08:00

In December Morgan turned one. In Jan Miss Ella turned three. And now baby number three is on the way. I was just getting use to not having to get a bottle at 3 am. It is funny how so many things change after the first child. When you find out you are going to be a parent for the first time you kinda freak out. Have to get all new stuff, scared out of your mind, and then when the baby gets here you are completely lost and paranoid that every germ is going to get your kid, you are going to be a bad parent, and you realize that you are never going to sleep again. And I am just going to be honest. Babies cry and poop and sleep. So as wonderful as it is, it is also very odd. Then kid #2 shows up, and you are a little more relaxed, still nervous, but VERY excited.
I found out that we were going to have baby #3 from a text message. We were in Illinois for a funeral. Crystal and the girls stayed a week longer than I was able to. I had to leave pretty early in the morning so I said my goodbyes the night before. Crystal was not feeling well the whole time she was there, but we just assumed it was a cold or the flu. NOPE. I got a text in the airport, and it was kinda funny. She text me a few times and i was in check in so I couldnt check them. I just read the last one she sent. It said: "Sorry I didnt get to see you off, have a great flight and miss you already."
I call to say goodbye and that i loved her and to give the girls a kiss for me. Ended the conversation and she sounded a little annoyed. I then remember that I have a few more texts to read, and sure enough there is one that says something like this: "Well we are going to have baby #3. Surprise." Something to that idea.
Yes I was VERY surprised. So there you have it. Baby #3 is on his or her way. Miss Ella was not to excited when we told her, but pretty sure that will change with time. And like I said, I was just getting use to sleeping through the night. Here we go again. Cant complain, I have cute kids.

~Learning as I Go~
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This thing called life...

2010-02-03T20:08:00.000-08:00

I think it is funny how you can not be in contact with someone for weeks, months, or even years, but when you reconnect with certain people things just pick back up where you left off. Almost like no time has passed when in reality it could have been several years. This just happened to me with a really good friend from my senior year. Normally I am the person that goes up to people assuming that they want to be my friend. I think everyone should be my friend. Cocky? No just like friends. My senior year my family moved from Pekin Illinois to Jamestown North Dakota. Not a great move for me being it was my last year of high school, but it was what it was. Right before school started I received a phone call from a girl named Leigh Carter. Here is how the conversation went:
ME-Hello
LEIGH-Hi, is this Scot.
ME-Yes,
LEIGH-Do you like football?
ME-Sure i guess
LEIGH-Good we will be at your house in 10 min. to go to a football game...
ME-Uh....
LEIGH-Oh my name is Leigh, i am freinds with Cindy Hanson (who is my moms best friend fro HS)
ME-OK?? mom i think i am going to a football game, with leigh, i dont know her either....

That was the first conversation with my good friend from High School. She is now a pastors wife, and I think struggling with the whole typical "pastor-wife." All the dumb expectations that people put on people in the ministry is pretty frusterating and annoying. So Leigh...Here is my advise to you. SCREW IT. You be the pastor's wife that God is creating you to be. Dont worry about what people say. You be you. God has you in that job because He thinks you are the perfect partner for Dan, and the perfect person to be the first lady of your church.
And after we kinda reconnected it made me think of all the people God has brought to me in my life. I dont really know a stranger. I am the person people dread to sit with on air plane, why? Because if I sit with you, and even if I have no clue who you are, I will talk your ear off. My best friend from High School, I went up to him in the cafeteria and asked him for lunch money one day. We clicked and became best friends. I think I still owe him the money....hope he is not reading this.
As a youth pastor it is hard to find time to find friends your age, and that can be really frustrating. I love being with my youth group. But sometimes you just need to be with people your age so for a short time you can be an adult. But then I remember that being an adult isnt as fun.

~Learning as I Go~
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Father of the year....(or not)

2010-01-15T21:42:00.000-08:00

My beautiful Miss Ella will be 3 in just 15 minutes. And she is sound asleep. And dadddy should be sleeping as well but for some reason my mind is just racing. Maybe it is a parent thing, or maybe it is just a scot thing, but my kids are a majority of my thoughts. I adore them, cant get enough of them. So I am sitting here thinking, wow what a great year it has been. Morgan just turned 1, which is crazy to see her develop her extremely funny personality. And been a blast watching Miss Ella turn into the young lady that she is becoming. But as she gets older, and smarter she is starting to really pick up on what people say and do, and she copies them. We now can not watch regular tv. If we are watching even a good family program, its those darn commercials that will get you. Let me tell you a little story......
The other night we were watching a American Idol rewind. One of those shows that go back and you see all the old stuff. Nothing else was on and I enjoy watching the bad people sing. Well a commercial came on about this new lawyer show. And one of the female lawyers called another character a bad word. The exact term was a douche bag. So what does my Miss Ella do? (mind you she is sitting on the floor not watching but playing with barbies). But she looks up and says "daddy your a douche bag." And then goes back to playing her barbies like nothing happened. Not gonna lie I had to really hold back on the laughing. But explained really calmly and not making a issue out of it that it wasnt the best thing to say. So that was that.
Well then the other night again we are watching The Office. A very funny show that Crystal and I both love to watch. Miss Ella and Crystal were on the couch coloring and someone on the show calls Michael Scott a "Dumb _____" So what does my sweet Miss Ella do yet again? YUP....she looks up and just says "Dumb ____" As if it was part of her every day vocab. So here 2 weeks before my baby turns 3 she says them both. Now lucky for me America's Funniest Home Video's was on the next channel so I could use that as an excuse for my so not mature laughter. And poor Crystal had to handle that one. But like I said.....father of the year....or not! Happy Birthday Miss Ella.

~Learning As I Go~
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How my mind works....

2010-01-15T21:29:00.001-08:00

Im sore. My leggs, shins, hips, arms, abs....
Good sore but sore just the same. I started bringing food to the office. Maybe breakfast is a good idea after all. Not as hungry during the day so I stop snacking.
So a guy here at church convinced me to go work out with him at 5 45 am. Let me just tell you how my mind was going the first few mornings as we were working out.....

Wow Im tired....how long have we been doing this?......only 5 minutes......dang i hate my life right now....wow im tired....how long now?....only 7 minutes.....wow this sucks.....how did i get this out of shape.....how long now?......9 minutes....why is this taking so long....i hate my friend......I think i am going to trip him.....

Dont worry I didnt trip him, but I do have a membership now, so I no longer have to sneak in to work out. Still cant go as far as my friend but I am getting much MUCH better.
I have an accountability partner now. I have been told by many people that having one is a great way to keep yourself in check spiritually. And it really is. I was hesitant at first, because I just assumed it would be one of those things...."Hey want to be accountability partners? You do? Great!!!" And that be it. But we have really developed a great relationship, and we talk about a ton of things that we struggle with, things that are helping us grow, things that we can pray for each other with. And then we follow up to make sure that we are doing what we are saying we are doing. i have been in the word more now then I ever have in my life. And my prayer life is really changing. I feel that I am actually having a conversation with God, and not just talking because we are suppose to.
I have been reading a chapter of Proverbs a day. I do it monthly. And each month Proverbs teaches me something new. I have really been enjoying it. I have been reading out of the Message because I love the way it words things. And yes I know, people dont care for it cause it's not really the bible....whatever, God speaks to me through it so say what you want. :)

~Learning As I Go~
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Thoughts on Loneliness

2009-10-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

I like to surround myself with people all the time. I do not like being alone. Even if whoever it is I am around, if we do not talk or say anything at all, just nice to know that someone is there with you. Maybe it is because I am from a huge family, we never really had the opportunity to be alone, or maybe it is just my personality. And with my job now, I seldom if ever have alone time. I still have my time with God, but that isnt really alone time, He is still there. I had to go to Los Angeles for a conference last month. Going to LA for this Dakota boy was quit the experience. I had no clue that so many people could live in such close areas. (BTW the Hollywood sign = DISAPPOINTMENT)

I was able to stay with some very good friends of mine but I only got to see them EARY in the morning when they dropped me off at the convention center, or LATE at night when they had to come get me after it was all over.

I am at this HUGE center and there are people all around. TONS of people. It was actually a bit overwhelming. As I was sitting there waiting for the next session to begin I got this really not so fun feeling inside of me. It was in the pit of my stomach. I went to this conference for a few things. The main was to grow spiritually, but the other was to really learn more and get reminded as to why I am a youth pastor. Well this feeling was not going away and I didnt like it at all. I have never felt this before. I went to get some food, and while I was sitting there eating watching all the people who have come to this together, it hit me. I was lonely. How on earth can you leave small life North Dakota and go to LA where there are more people then I have ever seen in my life and possibly feel lonely? I tried to shrug it off but the longer the day went the worse the feeling was. I had all these people around me, more then I have ever been around in my life probably. And yet I was lonely. I would go to the sessions and PRAY that someone would sit by me who actually wanted to talk. At one point, I was at the night session and I found my seat. It was normally VERY packed, and I wanted to get their early so I was not way in the back again. I found a whole row in the middle that was open so I decided I was going to sit half way through it so people would have to sit by me. A group came and asked if the open seats were taken and I said no. So more and more people started coming. A guy sat down and asked if the 5 chairs to my left were open. I said yes and he sat down right by me and saved the other 4. Well he had some other friends come and looked at me and said, "Oh Im sorry, I was saving these, can you please move." ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

At first I thought I was going to just stand my ground and stay there. I thought I paid just as much as you did to come to this. But then, I realized that it would be awkward for us all through the session if I stayed. So with that every so holy Jesus smile I said, "Im sorry, no problem." Once again feeling lonely.

That night the speaker was really good. I cant totally remember what he all spoke on, but God really spoke to me. I realized that I was not at all relying on Him like I should be. I make myself so busy that I dont really have time to focus on God. I tell all my students and friends that God is always there, and that we should make time for Him, but was I living that. Not at all. It was like He was telling me, "Scot, dude, this is the feeling I have when you ignore me. I have all the people in the world to be around, but I want to be with you." HUGE wake up call. I did some major soul searching and praying that night. The next night I decided that I was going to be with people. I wanted to really worship in the service and just enjoy the last evening of the conference. I went all the way up to the third row. Found a row of empty seats and prayed that I would get to stay there. I sat down and shortly after that a guy came up to me and asked if the open seats were taken. "No, how many do you need?" Just the one he said, he was there alone as well. Then two other people came up and asked for seats, they were also alone. So a group of us loners had a great night of worship. The speaker and music was fantastic. I learned what it was to feel alone. Glad that I have a God that says I dont EVER have to feel that way.

~Learning as I go~

One-T

Been A While

2009-10-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

I know I have not posted in LONG time. My mind is going nuts so I will again soon.

been a while

2009-05-27T19:41:00.001-07:00

Have not posted in a LONG time. Really tired and taking tomorrow off...so until next time enjoy a few pics.......

Go till you get a no.....

2009-04-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am one of those people who want a lot of things. And when I get my mind set on something I will talk about it and bug people until I finally get it. Drives my poor wife crazy. It becomes this obsession with me. It is all I can think about, all I want to think about. I will search the Internet over and over and find out everything that I possibly can about what ever it is that I am obsessed with. And most of the time is it something that I don't need, and that I can totally live with out, but of course at this time I don't see it that way. I need it and I will complain and act like the biggest baby till I get one. And most of the time my wife finally caves and I get what I want, or something newer and cooler comes up and that then become my new obsession. The last thing that it was, and still kind of is was a dog. I am a HUGE dog person. You talk to me long enough and you will know that. Or just get on my facebook and at least once a week it will say....I WANT A DOG.....
Anyway, we had a great Golden Retriever. His name was Toby and he was the perfect dog. He did shed a lot but over all he was the perfect dog. As he got older he developed food allergies. So we were paying 50 bucks for a 25 lbs of dog food. A full grown golden will eat that and part of another bag in a month. So we were spending $100 dollars a month on food alone. We found out that we were pregnant with Miss Ella and realized that we just could not afford buying that food and also getting ready to have a baby. So I had to make the tough horrible decision of finding him a new home, either that or feeding him normal food and letting all his hair fall out. Found him a great home, they knew about the food thing and still wanted to take him. It was the end of the world in my eyes. Yes I was excited about having a baby but come on this was my dog...my other baby...so I cried like a huge baby over a dog. Now my dear sweet wife promised me that we would get another Golden as soon as we could. And I talked and talked about getting another dog for 2 years. I mean obsessed over it. Crystal kept saying be patient, the right dog will come along with time. Now those of you who have gotten to know me know that I am not at all a detailed person, nor am I a planner. We find out we are pregnant with baby number two. And as soon as we find out of course I was excited but I thought...this is not going to slow down me getting a dog. We get called to come up here, get into our house, and I realize that we have this HUGE back yard, and figure it is time to get a dog. Now like I said we are Golden Retriever people. That is both of our favorite breed. And my mom has one that she breeds, and said we can have a puppy for free. So I am thinking...sweet we are totally set. As soon as her dog has pups I will go pick one out and there ya have it. But then I get to talking to my mom and realize that she wont go into heat for at least another six months. Now when you have been waiting for something for 2 years, and you finally realize you can get it, 6 months feels like 2 years again. So being the ever so wise father and hubby that I am I find a dog on the Internet that is not to expensive, smaller, doesn't shed, and it great with kids. And she was a pretty cute puppy. So against Crystal's wishes, she said I could but it was the, “Yes you can but you are not thinking clearly and we will regret this,” I pick put my puppy. So I find this cute little cockapoo in Minot and we, or I decide that this is the dog for us. Mind you Crystal was still pregnant with Morgan. Yeah husband of the year I am. We bring her home and she is the cutest little thing, Small, black and brown. So I name her Mocha. Now the whole time I had her I kept comparing her to Toby the golden I had. And she really wasn't filling the dog shoes that I wanted her too. But she was my dog and I loved her anyway. We became pretty close. She would sleep on the couch with me when I would take naps. We would go on walks...rough house. Even Miss Ella would carry her around and she wouldn't do much. Well I notice that she is starting to get the little dog attitude. You know...the I'm the boss so watch out. One day at work I get a call from my wife and she sounds a little shook up. I'm like babe whats wrong, and she tells me that this wonderful little dog showed her teeth to her and nipped at her while she was trying to put her in the kennel. Of course I'm thinking...yeah right Mocha wouldn't do that. I just say well lets keep an eye on her and see if she does it again. Inside I knew we should not have gotten her, but “I needed a dog” remember. Well I was home one afternoon and we were getting ready to go out and I told Crystal to put Mocha in her kennel and I saw with my own eyes the devilish dog show her teeth. Well that was the end of that....cant have a dog in my house who is like that with 2 little kids. So we found a home for her and we are yet again with out a dog. So now whenever I am on line looking at dogs, Crystal just has to say...”MOCHA” and she starts to explain why we WILL wait for a dog. And then I remember why I need to be patient for once in my life. (but I will have one soon..!) In James 1:17 it says Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven.
Now I tell that story to explain we sometimes have ideas of our own on what to do with our life. We have it all planned out. What we are going to do where we are going to live. Sometimes God has other ideas for us.

Jeremiah 29:11-14
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you wont be disappointed.

I love in that verse where is says...”plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the FUTURE YOU HOPE FOR.” It does not say the future you want, but the future you HOPE for. God knows what it is we truly hope for. He is not going to disappoint us. So even if we have it all figured out, He might have other plans for us, and they are so much more then what we think it is that we want. Some of you are wondering about many things in your life and future. Why did this happen? Or, Why is this happening to me? Why did we break up? What is your call for me God? I have good news for you guys. God already has it planned out. You just need to have faith and follow. Seek Him and see where it takes you.

One of the hardest things for me when I was getting close to graduation in college was what to do with my life. I heard the verse I just read about knowing the plans I have for you and all that. I understood that, but wish that God would hurry up and pass on that info to me. “If you know it all God, then why are you not telling me?” I would get so annoyed. I asked my self all the questions you guys have asked or will ask. Who should I marry? where should I move? what job should I do? What are you calling me to do? I didn't have any direction. I'm going to tell you guys something now that I wish I would have heard and learned back then. It would have saved me a TON of stress on both me and Crystal.
I went to our board retreat a while back and we listened to Erwin McManus who is the author of Chasing Daylight. And he had lots to say about life. But the thing that hit me the most and I wish I would have known it 5 years ago when I graduated was this:
“You go unless you get a no...not wait for a call. Last thing Jesus said was go. You keep going until God says stop. Do whatever, just DO, and watch how God will lead you. If we are truly following, we will go where God wants us to go. He wont let us go where He doesn't want us to go. To often WE try to find out God's call for us, rather than just doing what He wants.

~Learning as I Go~
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No sleep

2009-03-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

So we have two nights left of vacation before we head back home. This has been a great little break away from everything. I didnt NEED a vacation in the form of being overly worked and just worn out, but it has been a much needed rest that I didnt know I needed. It has been great seeing my wife's family. Miss Ella has loved playing with her cousin and being spoiled by everyone. It has been pretty funny to watch her interact with another girl her age who is also use to getting all the attention. For the most part they get a long very well but there have been a few moments when I think they didnt know what to do or think so they just smacked or yelled or whatever they could. A very good learning experience for them both I think. But today I took a LONG LONG nap and now I cant sleep so I am trying to figure out how to make this blog look more me. I do not like the backgrounds they give us. I want a more personalized one. So if anyone has any ideas let me know. And not the cute blog site...cute is nice...but I am a dude so I dont want those...haha...Liz..yours looks great though..wink.
So if anyone knows how let me know. I just made a very cool on on my new computer. My brother in law sold me his old laptop so I am not a mac boy. LOVE IT. And it has a site to make one so I did, put lots of time into it...make it look SO SO cool...and then hit publish...YOU HAVE TO PAY. So now I will stay up all night looking for a new idea and watching Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel.

~Learning As I Go~
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She Wants to be just like US!!!

2009-03-10T15:56:00.000-07:00

Due to the crazy North Dakota weather, and the wonderful blizzard we are having here right now on MARCH 10th, I was able to work at home this afternoon. And I did get a lot done but there were a few distractions. Miss Ella being the few distractions. I cant complain however, because we did have a great time. It made me think back to when I was little and I use to go to the church on days we didnt have school and be with my dad as he worked or if for some reason he worked from home. I would want to do whatever it was that he was doing, I normally got bored with that pretty fast and played with all the toy tractors he had in his office, that is after I raided his gum ball machine. Anyway, today Miss Ella wanted to be right there at the table with me. So I gave her a notebook and she was writing her "sermon" while I was doing some reading and journaling. It was quit cute and very distracting, but so fun just the same. And it got me thinking about how as parents of kids this young we have to really watch what we do. They want to be just like us. So in turn I want to be just like Him. I want to mimick Jesus as best I can, because Miss Ella is mimicking everything that I do. So I need to be that example for her. Have her learn now at a young age. Crazy how much 2 little girls totally changes your life. Oh and this pic is not of today working...just a cute pic I thought I would share..

~Learning as I go~
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Need God Book....

2009-01-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

At night when we get ready to put Miss Ella to bed, we read to her part of her bible. And now it is so cute...when you ask her what it is called she calls her bible "the need God book."
Seriously....how cute and smart are kids?

~Learning As I Go~
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Find them Jesus like you found me...

2009-01-16T12:22:00.001-08:00

The other night I was rocking Mak, hoping that she would fall asleep soon so we could all get some much needed sleep. And she was in that stage where she was almost asleep but not quite. When she gets to that point and we are both very much relaxed I pray for both my girls and my sweet wife. Well I was praying specifically that Jesus would find them like He found me at such a young age, and that in return they would find Him back. It is one of those things that you can't help but worry about. All the "what-ifs" and what is more annoying about that is as much as you want to enjoy them the "what-ifs" are in the back of your head. It is one of those things. When I was younger I hated when people would say, "I wish Jesus would hurry up and come back." I always thought, "How sad, these people must be miserable in life to want it all to end." But I don't think that is what they were saying. I now LOVE life. I love my job, my family, everything. Sure I get annoyed from time to time but then who doesn't? I am now one of those people that say, "I wish Jesus would come back soon." And I love my life. I do. I want to see my kids grow up. I want to see them get married and have kids. I would love that. But I would LOVE even more to be in heaven where let's be honest... that is the goal of every Christian, to get to heaven and bring as many people there with us. As I was rocking little Mak to sleep, I couldn't help but think about how great it will be. And how much love our Heavenly Father has for us. I mean can you imagine? Sending your son down here to die for us. I would NEVER put my kids in that situation. Yet He did it willingly. And then Mary, raising Him knowing that He was sent here to save the world. Blows me away. Shows us what love really is. And I am excited for my girls to learn that. So I will keep praying, find them Jesus....like you found Me.

~Learning As I Go~
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OUCH...

2009-01-16T12:18:00.000-08:00

So I started working out again. I am sick of being fat. Ok not fat but not where I want to be either and i feel like a slug. So a guy from our church who is on the college football team decided that he was going to help me get into shape. Ok so I had no idea how hard football players worked out. It wasnt a long hard work out i thought until this morning...and I am so sore I cant pick my nose even if I wanted to. I have never not been able to move like this..so here is to day one.....
Everyone says it will be worth it in the end...it better be...haha.

~Learning As I Go~
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Fun with Snow...

2009-01-08T13:37:00.000-08:00

We are having one heck of a winter...more snow than we have ever seen. Of course our first year in Dakota would be one of the most crazy winters ever. It has been so cold that we cant play out in it much. I know, what is the good of snow if you cant go out and play in it. Well one day we were able to go out and Miss Ella and Mocha had a blast on the sled. So here is just one picture. And yes Mocha is wearing a sweater and everyone who knows me knows I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DRESS THEIR DOGS...but she was shaved and it was COLD. So we had too.....
Anyway, enjoy the pic....

~Learning As I Go~
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Bed Time Fun

2009-01-08T13:18:00.000-08:00

Miss Ella is going to be two years old in a few weeks. Which is depressing for this dad who wants his daughter to stay a baby forever. Crystal and I are really trying to figure out how to instill in her life God and values. True she is not yet two, but never to early to teach her morals and values. When she was dedicated the church gave us a picture story bible, which is something she looks at all the time. Crystal has already had to repair it a few times. So now before bed, we all crawl on her bed and read her a bible story, pray and kiss her good night. True right now she still cries when we say good night but it is getting to be a shorter and shorter cry every night. And it has been so fun to start this. Just us three. Morgan is already sleeping at that time for a bit. So Miss Ella gets her mom and dad all to her self. Important for us all. These are memories that I am excited to be making. And it is fun to watch Miss Ella as we read the bible and actually know what we are talking about. Very fun. God is good to us.

~Learning As I Go~
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She is here...

2008-12-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

Ok I have been getting hate notes all over...."post on your blog about your new daughter..."
People when a new baby comes it takes all your time and energy...heehee....so thats my excuse..
Morgan Ashlee Kraemer is finally here. Mak we call her for short...get it?
Anyway, she was 6lbs 12 oz and born on December 7th. She has already been a really good baby...meaning she does not cry much. And of course Miss Ella loves being a big sister. She has been really fun to watch interact with Mak. I will post more soon. Just wanted to let you all know..here are a few pics....

Who would you choose?

2008-12-05T08:12:00.001-08:00

I have been doing some thinking and reading. And looking at my life and seeing where God has brought me from and where He is continueing to bring me. And it blows my mind that He would use me to do what I do. I am so blessed and lucky to be a Youth Pastor. Never thought I would be that nor did I think I wanted to do that. But I am loving it. And I am loving seeing what God is doing in our lives, the lives of the youth, and also the lives of the college kids in our church. The one thing that I struggle with the most is haveing to preach on Sunday nights. I am going to try something a little new this week. I am going to just preach from the heart. I know that is a no brainer to some of you and you are wondering.."Well why didnt you just do that from the start?" Because I am a idiot thats why. I see how my dad preaches and how my brother preaches, and even how our Pastor here at this church preach. And they are AMAZING. I just get up there and read. I want to preach like them. I have been really working on this next sermon and praying about things and just evaluating why I am actually doing this. Do I totally trust Jesus? Am I doing this because I said I would follow him? Cause if I am doing it for any other reason then I am doing no justice to the Church as a whole. I am more of a hindering block. I want to be so much like Jesus that when people have a conversation with me, they will know who and what I stand for. They will know im a christian by my love. An amazing person from my church has emailed me and said some things that really sunk in. This person reminded me that I am not my dad, or my brother but that I am Pastor Scot. And God called me to do this for Him. And i need to accept that call and get going with it. Of course it was worded much more profoundly. Then I was thinking....ya know...I know this is what God called me to do. But am I really the type that God wants to lead?? Then this scripture came to my head:(message version)
1 Corinthians 1: 26-29
Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I dont see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isnt it obvious that God deliberately chose men and woman that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quiet clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God.

So that made it quit clear. I am doing this for Jesus. I dont have to preach like my dad or brother. As long as I am following Him, I cant go wrong.
Man, how many times is He going to have to remind me? He chooses who He feels is equiped for the job. Why do we doubt so much?

~Learning As I Go~
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Miss Ella

2008-11-26T12:27:00.001-08:00

She was very busy working in this pic.....

just stinking cute
Miss Ella with her new puppy Mocha
This is our favorite past time...reading books on dogs...

Just amazingly cute....

The Joy of a Daughter

2008-11-26T09:56:00.000-08:00

I was in Nashville TN from Thursday of last week until Monday of this week. I was there for a youth convention. It was great and I learned a TON. That is not why I am blogging today though. I will blog on that soon. But when I get there, my wife calls me and says, "Well I had the doctor appointment and the baby has dropped in place and I am starting to dilate." Lucky for us she did not have the baby but just means we are that much closer. And then I call the next day and Miss Ella was crying for me to rock her to sleep that night. Broke my heart. So I get home very late on Monday night so I just have to peek in on her. She is getting so big. Cant believe she is going to be 2 in Jan. Sick. Anyway, she gets up at 5 am. So I go in her room and crawl in bed with her. When she sees it is me, she hugs my neck (hard for a little one year old too) and starts to kiss my face. I then lie down next to her so we are looking at each other on her pillow. She starts to rub my face saying "daddy home, daddy home" At this point I am crying just a little, not enough for anyone to tell...but a little. And it just reminds me how great my life is. How awesome God is. And how much stinking fun it is to be a dad. Even of a girl who is entering her terrible two's.

~Learning As I Go~
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Christmas Through New Eyes

2008-11-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

I had a good friend tell me once that when you get older, you dont feel the magic of Christmas that you once felt when you were a little kid. I guess I am still waiting for that time to happen. But then again I am a Christmas FREAK. To some it is a time for family and fellowship. To some it is a sad time when they are missing someone that is no longer here on earth. No matter what, it is a special time. And now that I am older and have a child and one on the way it makes it all that more real. My wife and I went Christmas shopping today. I know it is kinda early but the new baby is coming right before Christmas so we thought we better hurry up and do it while we can. We have however had our tree and some lights up for a while now. And watching Miss Ella look at them and touch the ornaments with that "awww" look in her eyes makes me think of when I was little. And how I couldnt wait for that day to come. I remember not sleeping a wink on Christmas Eve listening for any sound. And then finally being able to get out of bed. She cant even say the word clearly yet but I think she is beggining to understand it. My dad always read the Christmas story out of Luke to us before we opened gifts. At the time it would drive me crazy because I just couldnt wait to rip into the gifts. So it will be fun making Miss Ella sit through that. A tradition that we will uphold. With all the commercialism it is going to be tough teaching her the real reason for this day. Just fun to watch now. That magic is still there, just a different kind....and this year we will have two kids to enjoy it with...well hopefully, that is if baby #2 comes on time. Who knows we might celebrate this year in the hospital. Either way I better have my bible there...
Whats that famous quote from Linus..."And thats what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown..."
But then again...we need to get through Thanksgiving first....HA

~Learning As I Go~
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Door to the past

2008-10-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am a history buff. I love it. My wife says I like it so much because if you think about it, it is nothing but a bunch of stories, stories of the past which is one of my favorite things. I am one of those people that love to sit down with a cup of coffee or pop or whatever and just catch up with an old friend or read a really good book.
My mom gave all of us kids a book of stories that my grandfather, her father wrote. They are stories of what was going on at that time, and the cool thing about it all is that it is all about my mom's family while they were growing up. He was such a great story teller. Last night I read so many different entries. I was laughing so hard at times. I actually got to see what life was like for my mom as a child. With her parents, siblings, and grandparents. There was one story where he tells how he found out my mom and dad were getting married. It was crazy to be reading all this. Gives you a whole new light to your family that is for sure. What is so funny is that my parents live in a very tiny town in ND called Carrington. And some of the things he was talking about I can picture in my head.....life has changed but no that much.
As I was sitting there reading it, I was thinking, my kids do not have anything like this. Nothing to see what it was like for us growing up.
With all the changes going on, we dont even have letters anymore. We do everything by phone of email. Our kids are kinda getting screwed out of a great deal of heritage.
I think I am going to start posting some of the funny things grandpa wrote. How he and grandmas relationship was and everything. He died before I was born, but with this book I can totally see what type of person he was.
Not sure....just on my mind today I guess....

~Learning As I Go~
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Pastor Scot???

2008-10-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

First of all sorry for not posting sooner....so many thing have been going on that I cant even find my head half of the time.
We made it...we are now in Valley City North Dakota. And let me tell you....It is a lot colder here then where we just came from.
Our first Sunday was this past Sunday, and we have never felt more welcomed or loved as we did this day. The people were amazing. They welcomed all of us in...even had a little prayer for Miss Ella. And then they gave us a food pounding. It was incredible. We have so much food now. God is so amazing.
So now I just have to get use to being called Pastor Scot. That is something that will take some time. On Wednesday some one was just saying Pastor..Pastor...trying to get my attention. Well my dad and brother are pastors so I have learned to not respond....but turns out they were trying to get my attention. It was pretty funny.
Miss Ella LOVES playing in her new house and I think Crystal is really enjoying decorating our home. It looks so nice and already has a homey feeling.
Well now that I am getting more into all this I should be able to blog a little more. My two favorite holidays are comeing up....Halloween and Christmas...and it is already getting cold...maybe i will bust out the Christmas music early this year......wait who am i kidding, i have already been listening to it......

~Learning As I Go~
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The fish spit me out....

2008-08-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

Well I have gotten several different responces to a few posts back where i talked about the modern day Jonah.
Crystal and I flew up to Valley City North Dakota, well we flew into Fargo ND, which is only a hour away. They interviewed both Crystal and I, and in October we are moving up there to be the youth and college pastors. We are excited/scared/excited/scared....
It is going to be hard for Crystal being so far from her parents and family but God will get us through. Just wanted to hurry and put up a post so the people who actually read this will know what is going on. I will write more soon. Oh...and we are going to get a house...FINALLY>...woohoo

~Learning as I go~
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Another book Review

2008-08-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

“Celtic Christians had a name for the Holy Spirit–An Geadh-Glas, or ‘the Wild Goose.’ The name hints at mystery. Much like a wild goose, the Spirit of God cannot be tracked or tamed. An element of danger, an air of unpredictability surround Him. And while the name may sound a little sacrilegious, I cannot think of a better description of what it’s like to follow the Spirit through life. I think the Celtic Christians were on to something….Most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that is unsettling. But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: Adventure.” --from the introduction

Author Bio:
Mark Batterson is the lead pastor of Washington , DC ’s National Community Church , widely recognized as one of America ’s most innovative churches. NCC meets in movie theaters at metro stops throughout the city, as well as in a church-owned coffee house near Union Station. More than seventy percent of NCC’ers are single twentysomethings who live or work on Capitol Hill. Mark is the author of the best-selling In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day and a widely read blogger (http://www.markbatterson.com/). He lives on Capitol Hill with his wife, Lora, and their three children.

Girl times 2....

2008-08-19T10:13:00.000-07:00

We found out. Baby #2 will be another girl. So I will be a dad of 2 girls. Crazy. We are very excited. Cant wait. It will be a strange thing to watch Miss Ella as a big sister. I wonder how the adjustment will be. Just wanted to let everyone know. Oh...and we have a name picked out. Morgan Ashlee Kraemer.
~Learning as I Go~
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Modern Day Jonah......

2008-07-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

I have been fighting this for a long time and just recently decided that fighting with God was pointless.....He is really working in my life right now and I am just not sure what direction I need go in. I know he is calling me in to some sort of ministry either youth, family, young adults or childre, not sure. We are still praying and not even sure what to look for or how to go about looking. I just know that I finally said yes to God, which feels great, just need to listen to see what He has in store. I feel like Jonah...I am not longer running, I am in the fish, and I am ready to get out......

~Learning as I go~
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SCARY MOVIES...

2008-07-09T08:26:00.001-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to watch scary movies, even though I always regret it afterwords because I am such a chicken. Well this post isnt actually about scary movies but something close. So Miss Ella is growing up faster then I like or want, I tell her to stop but she just wont listen. She is learning new words everyday, and getting more and more independent. Cute to watch but also sad to think about. One day we were sitting there and not only do I love scary movies, my favorite to watch are any kids movies, mainly cartoons. We we have the cartoon The Jungle Book. Miss Ella was watching it and when the tiger comes on she starts to wine...I didnt think much of it because I just assumed she wanted her juice or crackers or something. Well the tiger gets off the screen and she is fine. Well Mr. Tiger comes back on the screen and she runs into the kitchen screaming...not loud screaming but you could tell something was wrong. I turned and looked to see what was wrong, and here is this cute little year and a half old peaking around the cabnets pointing to the tv and saying in the most pathetic voice ever "no...no...no.." then we realized...she was scared of the tiger. It was cute as could be but also sad to see. The tiger didnt do anythign bad at this point, she just knew that he was evil. Of course we took it out at that point but it got me thinking...this young she can tell that the character was bad, and scary. I hope as she gets older she will be able to figure out what is evil and what is good, figure she has a good start...she ended up watching the mupets...loves that piggy.
A few days later I put in the OLD OLD movie Labrynth....ya know the one with puppets and David Bowie...actually a really stupid movie, but entertaining just the same. Well Miss Ella walks into the living room and sees the Giblin puppets and puts her hands on her eyes and screams and runs out.....so yes she is more and more like her daddy...when I was little the first time i watched that movie i had to sleep with my older brother that night...and well for the week after. We will stick with the safe cartoons......

~Learning As I Go~
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She wants to be like me

2008-05-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Wow three posts in one day. Maybe I should start working...ha

Anyway, Miss Ella wants to be like her daddy...she even wears my work hat around.....really people how cute is this kid....and she is going to be a big sister.....YIKES...

~Learning as I Go~

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The heart break begins.....

2008-05-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

As kids grow up they learn very fast at what they can and can not get away with. Even at the sweet young age of Miss Ella. But this one time...she was not being naughty like I thought. There have been a few times when we tell her not to do something and she will look you in the eye and get a sly little smile and do it as you are watching her, then smile really big and giggle...and of course daddy laughs and then it is all messed up.
So this week we were playing in the living room and having a great time. She took a book cover off one of her books and through it on the ground. I told her no (because she rips them) and said give it to daddy. She looks at me like what are you talking about? So i say it again a little firmer and she is still looking at me. And I think she is just being naughty because at times she is a stuborn (not sure where she gets that). So i say it again even more firm, and big tears swell up in her eyes....she is not crying yet, just has tears coming down her face and i can tell that she has no clue as to what i was saying to her. She wanted to do what i was saying but she didnt know what it was. So what happened was i was talking very firmly and she had no idea why. Here we were having a blast playing and then daddy becomes a big jerk face. And how I realized it was Crystal who is super mom came in and was saying "Babe...she has no clue what you are talking about...and you hurt her feelings" BROKE MY HEART when i saw her face. So I then picked her up and tried to explain to her....but of course she had no clue what i was saying and just put her head on my shoulder and sniffed......
KILLED ME.......
and this is just the beggining.
~Learning as I Go~
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Why do they grow up.......?

2008-05-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

So when people tell you to enjoy your kids they grow up fast, it is completely true. Mind you Miss Ella just turned one in Jan. But she was this little tiny little baby. She decided this week that she was going to start talking more. It is so amazing to watch them grow and start to figure things out. The other day Crystal and her were coloring in her Charlie Brown coloring book, (yeah she is just like her daddy) and she noticed Charlie Brown on one of the pages opened her mouth all excited like and ran to her room and brought out her Charlie Brown stuffed doll. She was all excited because she put it together. And then this weekend we were sitting and she starting saying George. Not sure at first if she was actually saying anything because she babbles NON STOP...but finally she went and got her Curious George book. So she is starting to say more and put things together. Blows my mind to think that she is the same little kid that was just born a year ago. God knows what he is doing when he makes babies. And now here we are trying to get ready for #2. Sometimes I have to ask God what the heck we are going to do, and he just reminds me..."Dude, I am in charge, just sit back and enjoy....." Which I think i am going to do......

~Learning As I Go~
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For those who dont know...

2008-05-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

For those of you who do actually read this I have some news. Crystal and I will be expecting another baby in December.....it was a surprise to us as well. Just thought I would fill you all in....
We are VERY excited and shocked and kinda numb all that the same time. Poor Crystal is getting sick already. How crazy....2 kids.....

~Learning as I go~
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ICE ICE BABY......

2008-04-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, Leigh and Mindy you might be the only two who think this is as funny/cute as me but who cares.
So last night on the way home from church I found this really OLD CD that I burned a long time ago. Well the last song on the CD was Ice Ice Baby....I know old school. My wife and I were laughing that I even thought this song was cool enough to be on the cd, because it is a great cd. Anyway, Miss Ella was being VERY quiet...and anyone who knows my daughter knows she is ALWAYS babbeling. So we turned around and looked and this little girl was going to town dancing in her car seat. I mean she had her fist going, head shaking...and she was on beat. If was so funny. Of course as soon as she realized we were watching her and laughing she stopped. SO we turned around and watched her through the mirror. It was so funny and cute. So we played the song a few times. She loved it. We had a good laugh. Being a dad is fun....

~Learning As I Go~
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Being a dad is tough some times......

2008-04-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

Of course I knew it would be. But I dont think there is anything in the world that can melt your heart like your baby girl. And yesterday...she was being a little naughty. She knows certain things that she is not supose to get into...and she will look at you with this devilish grin (which is mighty cute mind you) and touch whatever it is that she is not supose to touch or do what she shouldnt be doing. YOu tell her no...and she smiles all cute at you and gives you a hug. Well yesterday, she was doing something and I kept telling her no....and even getting a little loud about it. She was not listening, and kept touching the thing she should not. Mind you looking at me with that look the whole time. Well I finally had to slap her hand a little. Now dont freak out all you liberal morons......it was not abuse.
Anyway...she looked at me and was heart broken that I punished her. Normally that is a mama thing in our house. I have a problem with laughing at her. Anyway...she looked at my like how dare you. Rubbed her hand, (and mind you it was soft, didnt hurt at all) and just gave me that look. My heart broke, but i had to stay stong and told her that daddy said no. She stuck out her lip and cried a little. But then gave me a hug so i know she was not too upset. Its going to be a LONG road. Wonderful...but long.
~Learning as I go ~
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Church is where I got my Kite.

2008-03-07T05:28:00.000-08:00

I was talking with a friend not to long ago. And we were discussing church. And his views on church are not at all very positive. So he asked me what I thought about it. And for some reason I said..."Church is where I got my kite." A memory from when I was very little popped in my head. He looked at me in a very confused way, so I said hold on and let me explain.
I cant remember how old I was, but we lived in Regent North Dakota, so I could not have been older then 4. I remember we lived right next to the church in a very small house. Anyway, I remember that the church was pretty much our life. WHen you live in a town that small, and your dad is the pastor of one of the only churches, it becomes your life. But one day we went out flying kites. We had great people in that church and I mainly remember the Wallaces, and three men who drove combine for them. Now I dont remember their names, but I do remember that I thought they were so cool. One reminded me of a guy from the dukes of hazard, and one had long hair and was a hippy type. Well anyway, we were all out flying kites, and I got a brand new kite with Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks on it. SO I thought I was something special. Some how being the amazingly independent 4 year old i was, I some how let the kite go, or the string broke, I am not sure, but I remember seeing the kite get higher and higher and then dissapearing. I was crushed. So was my mom and dad, and the great people who drove the combines. They looked and looked for that ALvin Kite, but it was gone. And of course being only 4, cried and was just mad. So back to church.......
That next Sunday, after dad had preached some one needed to make an annoucement. SO the one who looked like the dude from dukes of hazard gets up and calls me up there and gives me a Alvin Kite. I remember it very well, it was just like the first one, white kite with Alvin in his red hat and shirt standing there. I went back and sat down and mom was smiling at me. And right there i knew that this was a great thing to be involved with. For a little kid and his first kite, it was a huge moment for me.
Of course, church means more to me then just getting my kite. But it is so much more then a building. It is the people who are in that building, making a family feel like they are the most important people in the town. Doing the most random things for them. For going out and buying a little 4 year old his kite again.
I actually have not even thought of that story of my kite until this came up. Not sure if God put it in my head to remember the important things or what. But I often think of Regent, the Wallaces farm, and those Combine Drivers who made our life part of theirs.
~Learning As I Go~
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Even more fun then when you were a kid!!!

2007-12-28T07:23:00.000-08:00

Growing up Christmas was and is my favorite time of the year. And yes a huge part of that was because of the gifts. Not gonna lie...but then who doesn't love to get gifts? I am still one of those people that on Christmas Eve you are up ALL night just waiting until morning, thinking the big day would NEVER get here. And of course it did, and we all got up very early in the morning (the only day out of the year mind you that i will get up because I want to). We would all sit in the living room waiting for mom and dad to finish doing whatever it is that they were doing to come out and let us open up the gifts. Before we were even allowed to do that, dad would make us sit while he read the Christmas story out of the book of Luke. Then when he was done, he would tease us kids saying, "We are going to go eat breakfast before we open them up." Which of course there was then a chours of "NO!!!!!"
As we got older, most of by brothers liked to sleep in a little bit more on Christmas, but I always had my little sisters to help me wake everyone up. Now I look forward to Dad reading the Christmas story, but still wont wait till after breakfast to open the gifts.
But now being an adult, and a parent, Christmas has a whole new meaning. We do not have a ton of money so we do not do a whole lot of gifts, which to my shocker has been actually more meaningful. When I think of what Joseph and Mary had to go through, I am pretty sure that I would not be able to do it. Have a child knowing that He would suffer and save the world. No offense to the world, but I adore my little daughter, and sorry about you, I would not be able to handle that. There is a song by Mercy Me, about what Joseph must have been thinking. Being a parent, really opened my eyes to a lot of things, and what the true meaning of Christmas really is. Christmas is still my all time favorite part of the year, but now for a whole different reason. And it is fun to share it now with my child and wife, along with parents and siblings. Amazing how your eyes get opened when you become a parent.

~Learning As I Go~
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Merry Christmas...not happy holidays

2007-12-14T09:34:00.000-08:00

I know I talk about this every year, and yes I know not everyone celebrates Christmas. That is fine, celebrate it how you want. But not happy holidays. Merry Christmas.
(Let's start a new movement) P

*Twas the month before Christmas*
*When all through our land,* *Not a Christian was praying* *Nor taking a stand.*
*See the PC Police had taken away,* *The reason for Christmas - no one could say.* *The children were told by their schools not to sing,* *About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*
*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say* * December 25th is just a " Holiday".* *Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit* *Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod* *Something was changing, something quite odd! * *Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa* *In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down* * At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.* *At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears* *You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.* *Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty* *Are words that were used to intimidate me.* *Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen* *On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter* *To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.* *And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*; * Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*

*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded* *The reason for the season, stopped before it started.* *So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"* *Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,
not Happy Holiday!*

~Learning as I go~
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So very excited....

2007-12-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

Ok most of you who know me know that I am a HUGE Narnia fan. Well the second movie Prince Caspian, which will be here in May (woot woot) has a trailer now. YOu can go to Narniaweb.com and see it. It looks amazing. Now I need to re-read the books again. Anyway, check it out, looks SO good. Anyway was very excited and thought you should all know. I know Jake, you will be pumped about this.
~Learning as I Go~
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For Parents Only....review

2007-11-29T05:44:00.000-08:00

Hello all, here is another book review. This one is the one they sent me, and I am going to be writing one of my own soon. I just wanted to get something on here so people can read it. It really is a GREAT book. Look for my personal review later this week. Also, I am going to start a seperate blog for just book reviews now that people are asking me to write them. ANyway, i will have a new review with the book cover and all that soon. Thanks and talk to you all VERY soon.

Shaunti Feldhahn is known for unlocking the mysteries of relationships for men and women. Now she turns to a parent’s relationship with a child, particularly a child of the opposite sex. Drawing on the results of a nationwide survey of kids and teenagers, she explores questions such as:

What do moms need to understand about the “tough and tender” boy who values respect over love?

What do dads need to understand about their daughter’s need for affirmation?

What are the six biggest pet peeves teens have about their parents?

Understanding the answers to these and other important questions can help parents make the holidays a time of celebration and unity, not strife and friction.

For Parents Only offers a unique look into a child’s mind and frees readers to communicate in healthier ways as they discover that understanding their kids may not be as complicated as they think.

Author Bio:
Shaunti Feldhahn is the author of For Women Only and numerous other books, with sales totaling nearly one million copies. A nationally syndicated newspaper columnist and public speaker, Feldhahn earned her master’s degree at Harvard University . She and her husband, Jeff, have two young children. Lisa A. Rice is the associate editor of Christian Living magazine, the mother of two teenage girls, and a screenwriter and producer.

Update...short but update just the same

2007-11-15T09:14:00.000-08:00

So I am finally working a full time job waiting to be able to go to Fed Ex full time. It is a customer service job, not at all a dream job but a job right. Crystal is doing really well. She is watching a friend of ours baby that is only a month older then Miss Ella. HE is really cute and fun. It is like having twins so poor Crystal is going crazy some days. Miss Ella is doing fantastic. She is getting so big so fast. She is a joy that is for sure. Other then that, life is still life. But Christmas is coming and that is a great thing. Even if you are poor...still a great holiday.
~Learning As I Go~
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Mosaic Amy Grant..Pieces of My Life So Far....review

2007-10-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Ok now remember everyone, I have never written a book review, and there is MUCH more about this book that I would love to talk about. So just go pick it up. It really is one of the books I have read this year. And not just because it was written by Amy Grant.

With a career of 30 years, the joys and trials of life, and just living in the spot light will give anyone millions of stories to learn and grow from. And maybe even some to try and forget. This book is a book of memories, some great some not so great, all learning experiences for anyone who reads it.
When I first heard of this book being written I thought, as Amy even mentions in her book, "Oh no, she is going to write a book, she is not a author...she is a song writer/singer. But of course I was going to pick it up and read it, I have been loving her music sense I was in the fifth grade, and now here it is about 14 years later and still really enjoy her music, old and new. Needless to say I was not at all disappointed in her book.

It is funny how we don't stop to think and realize that famous people are just normal everyday people like us. Only their lives are lived in the spot light. While I was reading this book, several times I had to stop and think, wow she really is human, she really does struggle and have hard times like the rest of us. The way she writes makes you feel like you have been family friends for years. Most of the stories if you have been a Amy fan long you will have heard before but it was different reading them. They way she wrote, was like she was talking to you and you only. Being open and honest about her past, present and future. If anyone ever borrows my book they are going to see notes, and a bunch of sentences underlined. I have already gone back and re-read several parts of it. It is just a feel good read. And it amazed me how much some parts of her life reminded me of mine. One of my favorite parts of the book, were when she said, "Sometimes I crave a kind of connection with nature, with myself, with God that I don't know how to achieve. The absence of it makes me feel caged up inside. I cant sit still. I cant listen well. " (pg 111) I feel like this almost everyday.
My wife made fun of me a few times when I was reading it because after almost every chapter, or even page I had to tell her about it. A few times I thought, I need to give Amy a call and see how she is doing. Then I remembered that I don't really personally know her, but her writing made it feel like we have had several conversations over a nice Starbucks. Her love for life, and her faith in her God, is what this book is all about. A great feel good read for anyone who picks it up. Even if you are not a huge Amy Grant fan, or a fan at all, it is a book that everyone can relate to. At least parts of it. And to me one of the coolest things about it was how real she was with her faith in Christ. She was open and very honest. And who knows, maybe someone who is not a Christian, but has heard her music, will find the book and read it. They will know all about God and how He has been a HUGE part in her life. It is not at all hidden in this book. Maybe someone will even say a prayer for the first time. Who knows.
You can pick it up at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/140007360X

~Learning As I Go~
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Mosaic

2007-10-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

So there will be a book review on Amy Grants book soon. I have to have it done by the 19th, but with work and all that I have not been able to write it. I can say this, it was one awesome read. I will get more soon. But they do however want me to have something for now, so here is one they wrote, but mine is on the way soon.
Grammy Award–winning artist Amy Grant has lived in the spotlight since bursting onto the Christian music scene as a teenager thirty years ago. In that time her work, marriage, and spiritual life have been subject to varying degrees of adulation and criticism.
Now, in her first autobiographical book, Grant bares her heart and soul, giving readers an intimate glimpse into her everyday life and the lessons she’s learning along the way. From lighthearted reminiscences of her Tennessee childhood to painfully honest reflections on the journey of faith, her vivid writing draws readers into her world while simultaneously creating space for them to rethink their own perspectives on life.
With honesty and depth, Grant offers poignant and often startling insights on motherhood, marriage, friendship, faith, loss, forgiveness, and redemption. Never-before-shared stories about her husband, country music star Vince Gill, provide a look into her life as a celebrity, while intimate portraits of her mother and musings on the past reveal the various pieces of a life blessed with jagged edges as well as vivid colors. Readers will find their preconceived notions of this music icon stripped away as they settle in for a warmly satisfying conversation with a gracious and wise friend.

Amy Grant is the best-selling Christian music artist of all time and the first to garner the number one spot on Billboard’s chart. Since beginning her career at age 17, she has earned six Grammy Awards and twenty-five Dove Awards, and last year she received her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Grant’s numerous television appearances include Oprah; Good Morning, America ; and Late Night with David Letterman. In 2007 she’ll tour nationwide, performing with local symphonies in Atlanta , Minneapolis , Kansas City, and elsewhere.
~Learning As I Go~
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Are you kidding me????

2007-09-21T19:10:00.001-07:00

I wish I knew how some peoples minds worked. I heard different stories just recently and thought I would get on line and read the news about what all happened. Ok first off, in Cinn Ohio, an assistant principal left her 2 yeard old daughter in her car for the school day and it was about 109 degrees outside. So her poor little daughter died from the heat. What happened you ask? Well she was going to drop her daughter off at daycare on her way to school but stopped to by donuts and forgot to take her to daycare. She went into the school, and later came out to get the donuts and still did nothing with her daughter. And she is not getting charged for anything because she claims it was an accident. Even though she went back out to get the donuts, and they have that on security. But here is where I get REALLY mad. In Arizona, a cop leaves his police dog in his car for 12 hours and it kills the dog. He is put in jail for a short time and is going to trial on September 25. So please tell me how this makes any sense? Dog......baby girl.....is there really a comparison?
That poor poor little girl. I cant imagine.
~Learning as I go~
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The Things you Learn from Peanuts!

2007-09-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

I am reading "The Complete Peanuts" a publisher is taking all of the comic strips ever published of the Charlie Brown and Snoopy gang and putting them into books. So far I have the first six. Anyway, one that I came across today really got my attention. First of all you have to know that every single strip gets my attention either makes me think about life or just cracks me up. Charles Schultz was a GENIUS. Anyway today this is the one I read and thought how great life is for a little kid.
This strip takes place like many where Charlie Brown and Linus are standing by a wall just talking about life:
Charlie- Do you ever think much about the future Linus?
Linus- Oh, Yes, all the time
Charlie- What do you think you'd like to be when you grow up?
Linus- Outrageously happy!!

I thought that was a very good comic strip. Growing up I wanted to be something different every day....either a cowboy, fireman, and at one point a park ranger. Of course I am none of those things now, but I think I have made it so far in this life. I am outrageously happy. True not everything is going the way I would like it to be, but I am happy. I dont have the dream job but I am happy. I do however have an amazing family, and an extremely fun life. God is good, and I love how He uses the Peanuts comic to remind me of that.
~Learning As I Go~
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New CD and Book

2007-09-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

So Amy Grant is coming out with a greatest hits cd next month and also a book that she wrote. I am pretty excited about the cd and the book. She also had all of her OLDER music remastered and rereleased. So you can either get it on ITUNES or the actuall CD. Pretty cool. I just signed up for a blog thing that might get my blog on her site and also a free copy of her book. I am sure that lots of people are going to try to get theirs added but I thought what the heck.
~Learning as I Go~
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Immagration and such

2007-09-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

I am working in this warehouse for now until Fed Ex is going to be full time or until I find a better day time job. And for the most part it is a ok job, easy work. I hate getting up at 5 am but there are worse things I guess. Here is my issue with things right now. I have no problem with immagrants. Most of them are a blast at the factory. We have a good time trying to understand what it is we are saying to each other. There is a few however that are just rude and are starting to get under my skin. One of them, moved his family here to get a better life for them, but he tells me that he hates America and all Americans. And let me tell you he really does hate me...not sure why...oh yeah i am American. One day I was gone. The next day a machine breaks down. He tells our boss that it was my fault because I was working on it the day before. But he refers to me as "that boy." Wont ever say my name even though he knows english. So I inform him that I was not even there so it was not my fault. And that my name is Scot and if he wants to address me or even talk about me he will say my name other wise he can just not talk to or about me. Then I find out by our supervisor, that he is not even a legal immagrant. So here is a guy living in the country I love, and he hates it, makes fun of it, and all of us Americans, he is here to better his life but hates it. Hmmm...makes sense to me. Anyway...thats all for now.

~Learning as I go~
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Vet Tech.

2007-08-22T17:28:00.000-07:00

Ok well I thought I was goin gto go back to school for El. Ed. Still think that it would be very cool, but the one thing I have always wanted to be was a Vet. So I did some research and talked to a few people and found a school where I could go to and in 18 months be a licensed vet tech. And found out that I can make a good living. And if I do really well hopefully some day i can actually go to vet school and become a vet. This is something I have wanted to do my whole life. So why not. I am working in a warehouse right now and hopefully starting Fed Ex soon. So either way we will be taken care of. I am not going to be working at that warehouse for a long time, just till i can get on at fed ex. Well that is the update for now. OH wait. Wife is doing great, such a great mom to Miss Ella. And Miss Ella, has 2 teeth on the bottom and we think she is starting to get her top. We are thinking she will start to crawl very soon. Wich is SCARY.
~Learning As I Go~
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Indianapolis

2007-08-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well we moved yet again. We are living in Indianapolis, well Plainfield to be specific. We are staying with Cassie and Levi Yowell untill we can find a place of our own. I am still looking for work, doing temp stuff right now. Oh the fun. I will start to blog again soon. man there is lots to catch up on. I dont even know if people still read this. If so....i will be back soon.
Learning as I Go
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Dont you feel safer now?

2007-06-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

Ok funny story. I was in one of my best friends wedding last weekend. We went to High School together in North Dakota. (Congrats Matt)
Anyway, the wedding was in Washington state and they had to fly me out. So for my first fathers day miss Ella gave me this whole really cool shampoo/calone/body wash gift pack. I really need all that. So I decided that sense it was just a weekend trip I could just pack it all in my back packing bag. Didnt need to check anything in.
So I get to that area where you have to put all that stuff in the machine so they can make sure that you dont have any weapons and thought......CRAP my razor is in there. I send it on through anyway and they say they have to search my bags. I figured as much.
SO he is going though all my stuff, no big deal until he gets to the body wash and shaving cream. Takes them out and says he has to either throw them away or i can have them sent home. I look at him like he was crazy. So then I pick up my razor and say I can keep this with five blades but I cant keep shampoo or shaving cream. "Correct" in a very stern voice. Well I was not satisfied with that. So i continue to ask.....
"Sir, how on earth does that make any sense? I can keep a razor that actually would cut or so some damage but I cant keep the stuff to shave with or my shampoo. How does that make ANY sense?" His only response was...."Son, I dont make the rules but I make you obey them."
Ok fair enough.
He did say for 14 dollars I could have it sent home. Well for 14 dollars i can buy several shampoos and shaving cream.
So I felt very safe.....i had no shampoo, but if anyone attacked me, i had my razors to fight back with.
~Learning as I Go~
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Here we go again!!!

2007-06-11T07:10:00.001-07:00

Ok as most of you know, this job that I took here in Illinois is NOT working out. Not going to go into great detail about it now, most of you know anyway. So I am on the market again. I have sent my resume to a few places. Even sent a few out to places in Indianapolis. We are torn about all that. I mean the reason we moved here was to be closer to Crystal's family. But there is nothing here that pays well, and I really want to have Crystal be a stay at home mom. That has been her dream her whole life after all. And we really want her to be able to do that. So I guess we are just asking for prayer in all this. I have also decided that I am going to go back to school and get my El Ed degree. Not sure if I am going to do that here in Illinois or go to Indy and do it. Either way I will need a job first before we can get that going. I just hate this feeling. I thought at this point in life we would be done searching for jobs and have a good career going. Oh well maybe I should have just done el ed to begin with.
~Learning As I Go~
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Best way to start the day!

2007-06-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

I love being a dad. This morning I woke up at 7 am and kinda had a little panic. Ella normally wakes us up at this time. There was no noise coming from her room. So I rush in there to see and she was out cold still sleeping. But she was not sleeping how we put her down. Normally we set her in her crib the normal way, as you would lie in a bed. But this morning she was lieing at the front of the crip sideways. It was very funny to see. Anyway, I went and told Crystal she can sleep in for a few more minutes because Miss Ella was still sleeping. When I got out of the shower, she was already up and dressed. (I dont know how Crystal gets her ready so fast). And she was all smiles. She was very vocal this morning as well. Squealing and giggeling. And man can she make noise now. I didnt want to go to work I wanted to stay home and play with her. I cant beleive how big she is getting and how fast she is growing up. She is already eating rice for breakfast. Let me tell you....it was a great way to start my day.
~Learning As I Go~
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Pray for a house

2007-05-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

We looked at a great house this weekend. They way the people painted and decorated it looked like we already lived in it. It is really old but kept up and has lots of character. The wood work is all original...it is pretty much amazing. I am waiting to hear what the bank has to tell us. Pray it all works out.
~Learning as I Go~
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Again On Grace

2007-05-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

I honestly do not think I am ever going to figure out this whole concept on Grace. I really do not understand, and beggining to wonder if I am thinking to hard. Going back to that whole deep blog maybe I am. But God's Grace, it is something that I cant grasp. When they say it is "God's Never Ending Grace" What do they mean by that. Sure yes I know about "GRACE" but if it is how they say it is. WEll then we are all covered by it. So no matter what we do, when does God's Grace run out. I have asked that and people say well it never does. Ok well then wouldnt we ALL get into heaven? Due to His Grace? I dont want a deep long answer. Just seems like it is an excuse to sin to me....dont worry God's grace will cover it. I know that isnt how it is, but then maybe there isnt a clear cut and dry answer. I have been argueing this for about 5 years. No matter how many books I read, I still dont get it. One of these days.....
~Learning as I Go~
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What I learned from American Idol

2007-05-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ok I know two posts in one day. I really do work, but when my mind is going this fast I cant focus. Anyway, last week, not yesterday but last week on American Idol (shut up Jake I love the show) they had Idol gives back.
Didnt think much of it until I started watching it. Man oh Man. First of all for those of you who watched it, the place in Africa they were at, I was there almost 4 years ago, I painted those doors that light blue and the windows. It was amazing to see it all again but this time on tv. Anyway, they stated to show the people over there. The kids, the ones who had parents that died from AIDS. The little boy who is now the man of the house and only 10 years old. Him crying. The mother whe was dieing from malaria. I am not going to lie to you. Several times during that emotional show I started to cry. How great do we have it. Just before that show I was complaining because we had to move into an apartment. And then they showed what they have to live in over there, and not just in Africa but in the U.S. as well.
Then Carrie Underwood sang "I'll stand by you" Man I tell you what. God opened my eyes to a lot. I remember all the feelings I had when i was in Africa, they all came back. Missions has always been my calling and passion, now I just need to do something about it. I do not feel God calling me over there long term, (I would LOVE it if HE did) but I feel He has other plans for me. I just need to be more open and pray about what it is.
*some things to think and pray on*
-every 3 seconds a child dies from Aids or some other disease
-every 30 seconds a child becomes an orphan
Life does not seem to hard anymore does it. And it just goes to show God is truly in everything, He had American Idol remind me of my passion. Now it is my turn to do something.
~Learning as I Go~
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Thoughts on "Deepness"

2007-05-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

Ok so I just discovered a new blog. It is by one of my good friends from Kansas (Shout out to you Jake)
Anyway, he just blogged on being deep. And here I am in my office thinking about all that. I work hard I know. But serisously. He admits to not being deep, but at the same time he is one smart dude. Some of the conversations we would have about spiritual stuff, he knew what he was talking about and was not at all afraid to call people out on things. Which I admire. Anyway, I was thinking about this and reading other people's blogs, and some, not all, but some it seems are trying to hard to be deep. Now I am talking in the spiritual aspect of things. I read a lot of these and only have posted the ones on my page that I really like. Anyway, it seems to me that being "deep" is becoming more of a fad. Lets see who knows more about this or that. Hey...here is what I know. Sit down, it is "deep."
God is God. I am not. He always was and always will be. I dont understand a lot of what He does, but He is God so I will try to trust him. I read C.S. Lewis, because the man can write, and he tells stories. Some of his work, well it is way over my head. I like kids books. I learn more from them then I do all the "Spiritual" hoop law that is a must read in the Christian world.

Now dont all get annoyed, deep is good. Just not for everyone. So Jake, glad you brought that up. I too am not deep, and I am no longer going to sit in front of my computer wishing I had some amazing knowledge to give to all you people. I dont even know who all reads this.
~Learning as I Go~
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What do you mean you dont know me?

2007-04-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

My lovely wife and I went to visit Nancy at my old job when I was in college. We were walking across campus and it is a stange feeling. When you go to a school like Olivet, people get to know you and you get to know people. People you live with that start to become family. You get there as strangers but leave as family. It is a great experience that everyone needs to have in their lives. Anyway, we are walking across campus and what use to be every one we all knew was now a bunch of kids who we have never seen before. When we got to Nancy's office, the first thing I said to her was "What happened no one knows me now?" It use to be we would walk across campus and i was late for every class because i would stop and talk to everyone, now it is a bunch of strangers living our old lives. It was really an eye opener. It was strange to see how our lives went on, and Olivet just went on with out us. It is hard to think about that school with out the Cassie, and Levi, Chad...etc.
My wife pointed that out. How you expect things to be the same and not change but when you go back, life continued. With out you. Humbeling to me.
Then it made me realize how much I have even changed. For one I am married now, and I even have a child. Which means that all of my friends have changed as well. I guess I know that, but still think of things being the same. Like next time we all get together, things wont be the same, we are parents now, not students, we are adults and in the real world. Wow I am old. What happened? HAHA.
~Learning As I Go~
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Update on Kraemer life

2007-03-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

We just got an apartment and we will be sending out the address soon. We moved in last night after a long deal with land lords and what not. Ella is doing great. She is getting so big, and giggels now. How cool is that. My little baby laughs. Not a whole lot, but still laughs just the same. Crystal is loving being closer to family, as am I. I started working my job this week, and I have to tell you it was a rough start. The home I am working in was VERY UNORGANIZED and nothing was done. I walked into a HUGE mess. But things are starting to pick up and I am starting to really like the residents. I will be able to update this more often i hope.
~Learning as I go~
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Illinois

2007-03-23T06:26:00.000-07:00

We made it. We are here in Bourbonnais Illinois. WE are staying with Crystals parents until hopefully tomorrow. We have an apartment but we have to paint first. So just wanted to let you all know that we are here finally. MIss all of our Kansas folks, but ready to start life here.
~Learning as I go~
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Wives and Mothers I have a new found respect

2007-03-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how they do it. Crystal is the most amazing person I know. Not only was she sweet enough to marry me, but she is the mother of our beautiful little girl. I don't know how she does it. She is at home full time which is hard in it self. Yet she has time to get packing, feed and take care of Ella, and still dinner is ready when i get home. I have never had to worry about anything. She gets up at night (and i help when she wakes me just so you know) But she does all this stuff and has no help during the day. Taking care of a baby is insanely hard. Especially when you have no family here. So I have to say, I admire her more and more everyday. Us guys could never go through all that. Nine months of being a prego, and then having to pretty much stop your life to take care of a little human. WOW. Thats all i got...WOW.
~Learning as I go~
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One Chapter over a new one starting

2007-03-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

The house is starting to look like it is actually taking place. Friends that we have come to love and enjoy are going to have to say good bye. We came here only knowing a few people. We were not even married yet. And now we are packing up and heading to a new chapter in life, and with a new little one. Of course Ella will not remember all the amazing great people we met while living here. She will see the pictures of how little she was, and how so many people have become Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles. It is a bitter sweet feeling. We are leaving a great job and place that we love, but going to a place that we also love and have family. Ella will get to grow up with her cousins, marmi and grandpa. We will get to see old friends and meet some new ones.
Its kind of amazing to me how life just happens. Rather we are ready or not. God has a great way of letting that happen. We are so ready to be moved but also wanting to stay here in Kansas with the people that have become our family. Its one of those things that you would just take your life and everything in it on the move so we can all still be close.
Bittersweet like I said. Exciting and scary all at the same time. Guess we will just have to see where this new chapter takes us. But before I get to far ahead of myself, I need to start packing. Only 4 days and we head out. I need to get going.
~Learning as I go~
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Am I really that selfish?

2007-03-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

I was just reading something someone else wrote and it really got me thinking about things. I think it is so selfish how we complain about not having. I will admit...I have LOTS of wants. I want so many different things. I am very blessed to have what I do have, and some times I think we take it all for granted. This is something I am really praying about. I am not saying it is bad to want things. Not at all. We all want things. But dwelling on them is totally different. I want a ipod, I want dogs, I want lots of things. Am I happy with out them. That is the question we need to ask ourselves. Are we satisfied with what God has blessed us with. I have been blessed with lots. I have an amazing wife, healthy baby girl, great family. I can go on and on. I have so much but i feel like maybe I dont give back enough. I struggle with this and have been for a long time now. Then i just read these quotes by Mother Teresa. I wish I had her attitude.
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But
the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you
without leaving happier.

It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may
live as you wish.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her.
It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed.

I want to live like that. Be like that. I can do with out a lot more. But to actually live my life like that is a lot harder then it sounds. I feel like I am a pretty simple person. I need to get over the "I'm poor" attitude and realize how great i have it and how blessed I truly am. Does that mean i no longer want the ipod...ect.? Not at all, i still want it, but i need to learn how to be content, and give more to others, not just money but myself. Something more for me to pray and seek God on.
~Learning as I go~
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Worship...What is it all about really?

2007-03-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

The actual definition that I found on worship is this...
worship1 [ˈwəːʃip] verb — past tense, past participle ˈworshipped, (American) ˈworshiped
to pay great honor to
Example: to worship God
That really did not help me out a whole lot. I went to a youth retreat this weekend. And we had a great night, the speaker was amazing. Big Chap....he did a great job.
They did have a band come in to lead worship, and it was very good. I have a hard time sometimes at these events for a few reasons. I remember when I was younger and it was all based on emotion. You know, you have all heard it....kinda like the camp high. As soon as I would go home then eventually life would go back to its normal routine.
As the band was playing I was just sitting in the back watching people. I like to do that. I noticed that many people worship in many different ways. For me the best way to worship is just sit there and soak it all in. Not even singing sometimes, just sit there and pray or just be silent before God. Some people raise their hands, others dance, jump, it does not matter. It is how you offer him praise.
And isnt that what worship really is all about. I get a little frustrated when people say, "I dont go to that church anymore because I dont like the way they worship" or like at this event "I just couldnt get into worship because I was not into this type of music." Worship is not what we can get out of it. It is what we put into it. What we give to God. We worship Him, He does not worship us. We should not be getting anything out of it. We should be putting into it, and when we do that, then we feel the presence of Him. So I think I am going to make up my own definition of what I think worship is.
Worship- Giving to God, seaking his presence. Showing Him Honor.
A little lack I know...but to me it is that simple. What WE give to HIM. Not what HE gives to us.
So rather you worship to headbanging, hymns, praise bands, or just sit and be silent, do it for God, not for your self.

Fatherhood

2007-03-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder when you are doing something, "What the Heck am I doing" and decide you are not good enough to finish the job you started? Well i hate not finishing a job but somethings are just to big for you. I am going through that right now. Being a dad is the most amazing thing in the world but at the same time it is insanely scary. I was sitting with her last night at about 3:15 AM and when she wont sleep I just try to stay relaxed. Well I was OVERLY tired so I thought I will just sit here hold her and pray. She was suppose to be going back to sleep but instead she was looking up at me smiling. How can you be annoyed by that. So I was praying and all of a sudden i had these crazy thoughts. They were....Dude what are you doing, you are in charge of this little person for the rest of her life. What if she decides that she is going to be rebellious and not want anything to do with God in high school. What if she gets picked on a lot in school, how will i handle it when or if people are mean to her, what if what if what if. It was like i was being attacked all at once. And she just sat there and smiled at me the whole time. So of course i get to thinking about my parents and Crystal's parents. We both had great parents, and we turned out alright. Yeah I did my share of stupid things, but it is true what they say, You want so much more for your children. I don't want her to go to school and be picked on by kids, i don't want her to be the one picking on kids. I want her to grow up and be a woman of God. Everyone wants the best for their kids. And the more i worried about it the more she just laid in my arms and smiled at me. Then it was like God hit me in the face. Enjoy her, pray for her. Thats all you can do right now. So i did, i just kept praying. Eventually put in a Disney cartoon because she was not going to sleep. When she finally did i just laid on the couch with her on my chest and thought....this is what it is all about. God is so amazing. The whole world could fall apart and it would not matter at this moment, i have the woman of my dreams and a baby girl. I have said it once and i will say it again, God is amazing. I still have those worries. But, all we can do is pray. I have to admit....life never has been so good.